The Not-So-Abominable Dr. Phibes

 

"This little green one seems to need a home."

In 1970, a certain horror movie star and his daughter pretty much came to the same conclusion. 

Quips and Quotations (Tried and Trudeau Edition)

 

Trump has suggested that Canada become the 51st state in our union. Does that mean that we can adopt the Canadian health care system and guarantee health care to all, lower the cost of prescription drugs, and spend 50% less per capita on health care? I'm all for it.

--Bernie Sanders

Graphic Grandeur (Wool's Worth Edition)

 

December is here and temperatures are plunging, so if you're going outside, make sure to...

...bundle up.

1977 strip by Charles M. Schulz.

Vital Viewing (The Muses Are Heard Edition)

The last time I posted was the day before the presidential election. Some of you may have been wondering why I haven't posted since then. I just haven't had the time. You see, I've been busy...

  

...sulking. Well, maybe more than sulking. OK, I don't have wings (or curves), but this is pretty much the way I've felt lately. Obviously, things didn't go the way I had hoped.

But I'm not sulking anymore! I picked myself up and brushed myself off and found a way to deal with the political calamity that has now befallen our country. Take a gander:

 

 

Um, I'm suddenly hearing murmurs of disapproval.

See? Margaret Forster (author of Georgy Girl) has my back!

Now that we've established that it's wonderful, what's the best way to escape the horrors of topicality? Well, one tried-and-true method is a...

...Hays Office-approved old Hollywood movie:

 

Ah, what a diversion--What's that? You don't feel like you were escaping anything? What you need is a strong dose of silliness, and you can't get much sillier than this...

... BNL (before Norman Lear)-era situation comedy:

After watching that, you very well can't say your current affairs anxieties haven't all been swept away.

Huh? THEY HAVEN'T? Obviously, a stronger broom is needed. So instead of silliness, I'll provide you with some downright mindless...

...slapstick:

HAHAHAHAHAHA! I'm lost in laughter, without a world-historical care in the world, and I'm sure you are too.

What do you mean your world-historical cares have increased? Boy, what a tough crowd.

All right, as one last resort, I want you all to escape into the innocence of childhood. Specifically, those nights when your mother or father would read you a...

 ...bedtime story:

There! I knew that would do it. Now you can puff up the pillow, pull up the blanket, and dream of a world devoid of any kind of news other than box scores and celebrity gossip. Isn't escapism wonderful?

Oh, there's still one naysayer out there, telling me I'm being irresponsible, that I should confront reality, not run away from it.

Look, naysayer, I never said I was planning to escape forever, just temporarily. And as far as confronting reality goes, I'll have you know that in order to have a better understanding of the election results, I've been reading this book:

So far nothing about fellating a microphone, but maybe that's in a later edition.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Vex Populi

 

It's almost over. Nothing left to do now but cast your ballot...

...and await the results.

Democracy in America, 2024

Quips and Quotations (Something Welcome This Way Comes Edition)

 

The monsters weren't intended to be gay, except possibly when director James Whale was behind the lens, but they read as gay to me. For me and my fellow queer youth growing up in the gay-intolerant era of the mid-twentieth century, these monsters spoke to our lives. That they flourished in marvelous gothic fantasy films, some brillant, most ridiculous, all imagination-stirring, only made them more special.

Hollywood's message may have seemed clear: You're gay; you're a monster. The villagers must hunt you down and destroy you. However, there was a more subversive underside to them. Almost without exception the monsters are presented sympathetically: Frankenstein's Monster was a lonely innocent, persecuted for existing, and good with children (some of the time). And there was his enormous schvancestucker. The Wolfman was a heroic fellow who acquired a cursed life when he came to the aid of a damsel in distress. Even soulless Dracula is often presented as a lonely, isolated figure seeking love, burdened by a curse acquired in defense of his country. The villagers are usually frightened, ignorant yahoos, with a hair-trigger lynch-mob response to almost any stimulus.

These movies said to me, It is intolerant society that is wrong. Hang in there. Fight the good fight. If you get enough sequels, eventually everyone will love you. Once Abbott and Costello show up, you're home free.

There is hope.

--Douglas McEwan, The Q Guide to Classic Monster Movies

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1944-2024

The "enourmous schvancestucker," that Mr. McEwan refers to is not a direct or even an indirect quote from any classic monster movie made in the 1930s or '40s, but rather uttered by the winsome young woman pictured above in a classic monster comedy from the 1970s. Her name is Teri Garr, and as a trick instead of a treat I'll leave it up to you to come up with the name of that movie.

Smart Art (Ben Day, Done Dat Edition)

 

 

This Halloween, why not let Roy Lichtenstein pick out your costume?

Vital Viewing (Hex and Violence Edition)

 

Halloween is not too far off, and what better symbol of the holiday than a witch? Here's one of cinema's scariest. If fact, she just might be the gold (or mold) standard for cinematic scary witches:

Did you notice how the Tin Man put out the fire with his oil can hat? That's because a fire needs oxygen or else it's likely to die out. Nice to know that even in a land of witches and talking scarecrows, the basic laws of science still apply. 

By the time she died at age 82 in 1985, Cleveland native Margaret Hamilton had lived through decades of TV showings of 1939's The Wizard of Oz, and was well-aware that her Wicked Witch of the West character had become a cultural icon. It didn't seem to bother her any. Also, cultural icons often attract the attention of other cultural icons, which seems to be the case in this clip that pairs Hamilton with a man who was considered anything but wicked: 

  

Mister Rogers seems positively gleeful at the prospect of this sweet old lady transforming herself into a wicked witch. Walk on the wild side, Fred!

Mister Rogers' Neighborhood wasn't the only 1970s TV instance of Margaret Hamilton donning the pointy black hat and the rest of the black ensemble. Here she is alongside a man with a wit so wicked it could have turned Dorothy's face as red as her ruby slippers:

Nice place for the clip to end, huh? I take what YouTube gives me, folks. I did see this special when I was in high school, but I've long since forgotten what kind of truck driver Paul Lynde turned into. Since I don't want you to feel deprived, let's just say this came next:

Betty White, bless her soul, got her wish.  

..............................................................................................................................................

 Now, let's look at a different witch. Well, I thought she was a witch at first because there's a black cat, and the lady herself is dressed in black, but that's where the similarity ends:

And I don't care if she's a witch or not. She's still magical.

Mitzi Gaynor 1931-2024

Bobby's Girl

 

1928-2024

Of course, we'll never know for sure, but she might have made one groovy First Lady.

Vital Viewing (That's Enfranchisement Edition)

 

For those of you who live in Ohio, the deadline to register to vote in the 2024 elections is October 7, this coming Monday. Above are all the things you need to know and do and be in order to register. However, it may not be all that easy to read as at some point the words shrink quite a bit (just what you need in an election where there's bound to be accusations of fraud and voter suppression: small print.) So as a further service I've included the following video provided by the good people at the Cuyahoga County Board of Election themselves in the hope of making things a bit more clear:

Get all that? Good. Now just to make sure you do everything you're supposed to do to fully participate in our democracy, I'd like to add a cautionary tale of what could happen if you DON'T do everything you're supposed to do.

Actually, this cautionary tale takes place in the Queens, New York of the 1970s but I think it applies equally well to Cuyahoga County, Ohio of the 2020s as a man of many, many opinions suddenly finds himself unable to act upon a single one of those opinions. Watch:

Don't end up like Archibald. Register!

 

Oxford Blues

 

Maggie Smith (1934-2024) in 1952, a member of the Oxford University Dramatic Society.  

Rhodes Scholar Kris Kristofferson (1936-2024), circa 1958.

Keep this institution in your thoughts and prayers. It's been a rough week.

Graphic Grandeur (Hub Bub Edition)

 

Ah, yes, who doesn't like going off to distant lands and viewing all those famous landmarks up close? However, as you do so, Norman Rockwell wants you to give some thought to those working stiffs who make such travel possible:

In 1937 anyway. By now it's all been digitalized. 

Quips and Quotations (Of Course, You Realize, This Means Warners Edition)

 

Bugs Bunny is who we want to be. Daffy Duck is who we are.

--Chuck Jones

Humiliation and indifference, these are conditions every one of us finds unbearable–this is why the Coyote when falling is more concerned with the audience's opinion of him than he is with the inevitable result of too much gravity.

--Chuck Jones

Vital Viewing (Fall Guy Edition)

 

 

Actor John Ritter was born on this day in 1948 (and died at the all-too-young age of 54 in 2003.) He's best known for the late 1970s-early '80s sex farce sitcom Three's Company, on which he played culinary school student Jack Tripper, who shares an apartment with two attractive young women while having to pretend he's gay so the landlord won't think any hanky-panky is going on. The funny thing--literally so, as it was the primary source of the show's humor--is no hanky-panky ever did go on, though the main characters often thought otherwise. 3C may have been the sexiest network series of its time, but it was all talk, no action, much innuendo about nothing:

 

Real sex wouldn't have been nearly as funny (though arguably still attention-getting.)

Ritter talks about the sitcom that made him a star and other things in this 1997 interview with Conan O'Brien:

So what was that Don Ohlmeier "in-joke" all about anyway? Ohlmeier was the head of NBC Entertainment, the network O'Brien was on at the time, and the highest rated network throughout the 1990s. The lying-in-the-snow wisecrack could have been a reference to Ohlmeier's alcoholism. Perhaps not a nice thing to joke about, but Ohlmeier was arguably fair game. He had been accused of sexual harassment shortly before going into rehab, and a cynical attitude toward the man was beginning to take shape. The cynical attitude wasn't lessened any by Ohlmeier's friendship with O.J. Simpson, who had recently been found not guilty of murder, though few people outside the jury box believed he was innocent. In fact, a battle of sorts was brewing between Ohlmeier and Saturday Night Live Weekend Update anchor Norm McDonald over anti-O.J. jokes the latter was making on the air, a battle McDonald would eventually lose when he was fired from SNL--WAIT A SECOND! This post is supposed to be about John Ritter, not Don Ohlmeier.

Conan mentioned that John Ritter fell down quite a bit on Three's Company. Though I didn't want the man to hurt himself, I would say that was a good thing, as Ritter was one of the great physical comedy actors of his generation. See for yourself:

  

Watching Ritter comically stumble and bumble his way around Joyce DeWitt and Suzanne Somers, you might not guess that this man was in actuallity a classically-trained actor, would you? Well, here's the proof as Ritter takes a dramatic turn opposite Billy Bob Thornton in 1997's Sling Blade:

No slapstick, though Ritter's character may have put his foot in his mouth.

Graphic Grandeur (Bested Man Edition)

 

 

So don't have time to read all those wordy online news articles? Don't worry. As an alternative, cartoonist Ann Telnaes offers this more...

...condensed version.

Quips and Quotations (Bass Player Edition)

 

1931-2024

Speech is a very important aspect of being human. A whisper doesn't cut it.

--James Earl Jones

 The Great White Hope (1970, based on a 1968 Broadway play, also starring Jones, for which he won a Tony--Kirk)

Claudine (1974. No great shakes as a movie, but I've always liked Jones in it--Kirk)

The Empire Strikes Back (1980. Yes, I know he voiced the same character in a movie before and a movie after, but you only get one clip out of me as I refuse to hand this blog over to the Force, no matter how tempting--Kirk)

Fences (1987 Broadway play for which Jones won his second Tony--Kirk)

CNN promo (1994. Made me want to watch the news--Kirk)

 

 

--

 

Mood Swinging on a Star

 

Lights...Camera...

...Action!

Artificial Incongruence

 

 

 

Deepfake before deepfake was cool.