Cabinet Cabaret

 

 

Overture, curtain, lights
This is it, the night of nights
No more rehearsing and nursing a part
We know every part by heart
Overture, curtain, lights
This is it, we'll hit the heights
And oh what heights we'll hit
On with the show this is it.

"Mr President, you ARE the Second Coming!"

 

The Apprentice

 

"YOU'RE HIRED!"

A Runaway Production

 

Now it's movies?

All I know is Jon Voight's name has been bandied about. Has to do with the company he keeps.

 

 

"Hey! I'm walkin' here!"

 

Vital Viewing (The Hannibal Run Edition)

Today's not Conan O'Brien's birthday, but there's reason to celebrate anyway as just the other day The John F. Kennedy Center for Performing Arts in Washington D.C. presented the man with the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor. Now, you may have heard that thanks to an "Executive Order", TJFKCFPA has come under the thumb of the current occupant of the White House, something that may have been on O'Brien's mind as he gave his acceptance speech:

I've watched many of these Mark Twain Prize telecasts over the years, and the recipients very rarely mention the man the prize was named after, so as a Twain fan it pleases me to no end that O'Brien did and did so at such great length.

It also makes me think I should include an accompanying video of Twain, but that's not really possible. Late in life he did appear on film, but it was silent film, so we're denied the Great Man's acerbic witticisms. The best I can do is this:

And that's what Conan was talking about!

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1936-2025

The Mark Twain Prize seems to have passed Ruth Buzzi by, but that's the Kennedy Center's loss and not the loss for those of us who lived through a time when she was a regular, and a regularly hilarious, presence on television. Buzzi was best known for Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In and on that once-well-known rapid-fire sketch comedy show she was best known for her portrayal of homely, purse-battering Gladys Ormphby, but she played other characters as well. Perusing through what YouTube has to offer, the following comedy of manners is what gave me the biggest laugh:

Twain, that old foe of propriety, would have loved it.

Vital Viewing (Precious Meddles Edition)

 

Ah, yes, Fort Knox, where some 147.3 million ounces of gold bullion is stored--or is it? New doubts have been raised:

What I gathered from watching that is, no matter what the conspiracy theorists say, the gold is there after all. Still, in the off-chance it's not, what can the United States do to stave off...whatever bad thing that happens if the gold isn't there?

 

The solution may lie in one of our oldest fairy tales. Take it away, Edward:

 

Turnips instead of gold? In that case we would need Fort Knox more than ever. After all, turnips are vegetables and as such last much longer in a...

 ...sealed container.

 

As Is

 

This former president was once compared to a "used car salesman."

This current (as well as former) president has been compared to the president who I just told you was once compared to a used car salesman.

But it's an unfair comparison.

As you can see, he's really a NEW car salesman.

Either way, caveat emptor (let the buyer beware.)

Quips and Quotations (Tried and Trudeau Edition)

 

Trump has suggested that Canada become the 51st state in our union. Does that mean that we can adopt the Canadian health care system and guarantee health care to all, lower the cost of prescription drugs, and spend 50% less per capita on health care? I'm all for it.

--Bernie Sanders

Graphic Grandeur (Bested Man Edition)

 

 

So don't have time to read all those wordy online news articles? Don't worry. As an alternative, cartoonist Ann Telnaes offers this more...

...condensed version.

Graphic Grandeur (Down for All Counts Edition)

 

Sure, he's been found guilty of a felony, but is there still a chance he could avoid...

...punishment?

Upcoming illustration (the magazine hasn't hit the stands yet) by John Cuneo. 

Graphic Grandeur (The Truth, the Whole Truth, and Nothing but the Truth Edition)

 

Michael Cohen faces another grueling day of cross-examination by Donald Trump's lawyers in the former president's hush money and business records falsification trial, but does he deserve such scathing attacks on his character? 

Well, if you put it like that, then yes.

Cartoon by Nick Anderson

Quips and Quotations (Imagine There's No Heaven Edition)

  

He had, in fact, got everything from the church and Sunday School, except, perhaps, any longing whatever for decency and kindness and reason.

--Sinclair Lewis, Elmer Gantry

Graphic Grandeur (Spiraling Spirituality Edition)

 

Clay Bennett on the possible perils of mixing religion and politics.

Graphic Grandeur (America Faust Edition)

 

I'm just hoping the rest of the country doesn't complete the sale in November.

Cartoon by Mike Luckovich.

Graphic Grandeur (Time Dilation Edition)

 

Cartoonist Clay Bennett takes an expansive view of the Orange Dude's purported plans should he return to the Oval Office.

Coup Coup for Coup Coup Puffs

 

Even though District Judge Sarah B. Wallace ruled that Donald Trump engaged in an act of insurrection in the January 6, 2021 attack on the U.S. Capitol, she nevertheless added that doesn't mean he should be barred from a Colorado presidential ballot. This despite Section III of the 14th Amendment, which states “No person shall be a Senator or Representative in Congress, or elector of President and Vice-President, or hold any office, civil or military, under the United States, or under any State, who, having previously taken an oath, as a member of Congress, or as an officer of the United States, or as a member of any State legislature, or as an executive or judicial officer of any State, to support the Constitution of the United States, shall have engaged in insurrection or rebellion against the same, or given aid or comfort to the enemies thereof. " The judge's reasoning? She's not sure it applies to a president. Well, rereading that amendment, I do see the word president. Or rather, President. Capitalized just so we wouldn't miss it. OK, it does say "elector of" right before it. So the elector can't engage in an insurrection but the person who the elector elects can? That's a little like arresting a mob boss for murder but then letting the hit man go free (well, that may not be the best analogy in the world as the hit man always can turn state evidence and then disappear in the Witness Protection Program, something I wish Trump would do, even if he witnessed nothing but his own act of treason.) 

Oh, well, the judge has ruled, and for the time being we just have to accept it. But it makes me wonder what would happen if such a ruling was applied retroactively. 

Fort Sumpter, shmort shmumpter. Jeff, dude, you could be president of both sides of the Mason-Dixon line!

Benedict, baby, you could be a Founding Father!

So what's 30 pieces of silver between apostles? Mister Iscariot, you can be the first Pope!

 Lucifer, just blame Dominion.

 

Quips and Quotations (High Crimes and Misdemeanors Edition)

 

All I really know is, I got a check...And then all hell broke loose.

--Stormy Daniels

In total, 34 false entries were made in New York business records to conceal the initial covert $130,000 payment...Further, participants in the scheme took steps that mischaracterized, for tax purposes, the true nature of the reimbursements.

--Manhattan District Attorney Alvin Bragg

Minutes before he's arraigned on charges in New York, Trump was dealt his latest significant defeat in the Jan. 6 special counsel investigation.

--Kyle Cheney, Twitter

A federal appeals court in Washington rejected an emergency bid by former President Donald Trump to block several top aides from testifying in the special counsel investigation of his effort to subvert the 2020 election.

--Kyle Cheney, Politico

Honesty is the best politics.

--Stan Laurel, Sons of the Desert

 

 

 

File Sharing

 

First classified documents turn up in former President Trump's Florida resort-and-residence Mar-a-Lago. Then classified documents, dating from his years in the Senate and as vice-president, are found in current President Biden's former office at a Washington think tank as well as his private residence in Delaware. Now it's being reported that classified documents have been discovered in former Vice-President Pence's Indiana homestead. 

Enemy agents have nothing on American politicians.

Vital Viewing (Disturbing the Peaceful Transition of Power Edition)

 

 Stories vary. Some say it was when George Washington relinquished control of the Continental Army at the end of the Revolutionary War. Others say it was about 15 years later when he decided not to run for a third term as president. Either way, the man was voluntarily giving up power at a time when such a thing, however laudable, was thought to go against human nature. When word of Washington's decision got back to George III, the British monarch is said to have remarked, "If he does that, he will be the greatest man alive."

As the events on 1/06/2021 have demonstrated, this is NOT the greatest man alive.

Contrary to popular belief, an impeachment in and of itself doesn't remove a president from office. If that were the case, Mike Pence would have been president for the past year, as Trump was first impeached at the end of 2019. Also, the previous century would have ended with a President Gore in the Oval Office. No, according to the Constitution, an impeachment is simply the House of Representatives charging a sitting president of high crimes and misdemeanors, followed by a trial in the Senate. Sure, it seems unlikely that any such trial would conclude before January 20, when Joe Biden is suppose to assume the duties of president, but remember, removal from office is hardly the only punishment for sedition. What about this 25th Amendment they keep talking about? That calls for the removal of a president, temporarily or otherwise, if the vice-president and the majority of the cabinet deems that person unfit to serve for some reason. So far, Mike Pence has signaled that that's not going to happen, but who knows, he could change his mind if Trump, says, orders an air strike on the Palm Beach headquarters of the PGA. Finally, a president can just decide to take an early leave from office, as happened some 45 years ago:

How dignified he looks. Such poise. Such grace under--WAIT A SECOND! What am I saying? This is Tricky Dick we're talking about!

Compared to last Wednesday's criminality, the Watergate break-in might as well have been a parking  violation. And remember, it happened after-hours, when everyone had gone home for the night. So it was much less lethal.

 Let me get back to George Washington. On a visit to Mount Vernon with France's President Macron, Trump is said to have wondered aloud why Washington didn't name his home after himself. Trump, after all, was always naming things after himself. Towers, hotels, casinos, golf courses, even at one time a brand of vodka. And while he denied asking that his face be added to Mount Rushmore, he nevertheless tweeted that he thought it would be a good idea. George Washington, on the other hand, never asked that a city on the Potomac or a state sandwiched between Oregon and British Columbia be named after him. Nor did he ask that his face be put on Mount Rushmore, or the dollar bill, quarter, or on a postage stamp. With the exception of the city on the Potomac (he chose the location), all those things had been named and images of him placed after he died. Washington was content to let his achievements speak for themselves. Trump was incapable of such contentment, and had no such accomplishments. In the final analysis, Trump is neither a conservative or a liberal, a right-winger or a left-winger, a Republican or a  Democrat. His only ideology is--well, I'll let Irene tell you:

OK, that's a bit unfair to Ms. Cara.

As for Donald Trump, instead of fame, I suspect from here on in, he will have to settle for infamy. Baby, remember his name.

Doublethink

 

I will not allow angry mobs to dominate. It’s not going to happen.

--Donald Trump

 

- 

 

Quips and Quotations (Current Events Edition)

 

On returning from my trip to [the Great Beyond], I received a request from [Shadow of a Doubt] to write a piece answering the following question: What is a fascist?

 

A fascist is one whose lust for money or power is combined with such an intensity of intolerance toward those of other races, parties, classes, religions, cultures, regions or nations as to make him ruthless in his use of deceit or violence to attain his ends.

The supreme god of a fascist, to which his ends are directed, may be money or power; may be a race or a class; may be a military, clique or an economic group; or may be a culture, religion, or a political party.

 ...The American fascists are most easily recognized by their deliberate perversion of truth and fact.

...The myth of fascist efficiency has deluded many people. 

 

...The worldwide, agelong struggle between fascism and democracy will not stop when the fighting ends in Germany and Japan.

--Henry A. Wallace, 33rd Vice-President of the United States (1941-1945), 11th Secretary of Agriculture (1933-1940), 10th Secretary of Commerce (1945-1946), and 1948 Progressive Party candidate for President (2.38% of the popular vote--you can't win 'em all.) All quotes (minus what's in the the brackets) are  from The New York Times 1944 op-ed piece, "The Danger of American Fascism"  

Also from the 1940s:

Yes, I know, it's some other country's national anthem, but you have to consider the venue, which is nothing if not...

 

…multicultural.