Vital Viewing (The Muses Are Heard Edition)

The last time I posted was the day before the presidential election. Some of you may have been wondering why I haven't posted since then. I just haven't had the time. You see, I've been busy...

  

...sulking. Well, maybe more than sulking. OK, I don't have wings (or curves), but this is pretty much the way I've felt lately. Obviously, things didn't go the way I had hoped.

But I'm not sulking anymore! I picked myself up and brushed myself off and found a way to deal with the political calamity that has now befallen our country. Take a gander:

 

 

Um, I'm suddenly hearing murmurs of disapproval.

See? Margaret Forster (author of Georgy Girl) has my back!

Now that we've established that it's wonderful, what's the best way to escape the horrors of topicality? Well, one tried-and-true method is a...

...Hays Office-approved old Hollywood movie:

 

Ah, what a diversion--What's that? You don't feel like you were escaping anything? What you need is a strong dose of silliness, and you can't get much sillier than this...

... BNL (before Norman Lear)-era situation comedy:

After watching that, you very well can't say your current affairs anxieties haven't all been swept away.

Huh? THEY HAVEN'T? Obviously, a stronger broom is needed. So instead of silliness, I'll provide you with some downright mindless...

...slapstick:

HAHAHAHAHAHA! I'm lost in laughter, without a world-historical care in the world, and I'm sure you are too.

What do you mean your world-historical cares have increased? Boy, what a tough crowd.

All right, as one last resort, I want you all to escape into the innocence of childhood. Specifically, those nights when your mother or father would read you a...

 ...bedtime story:

There! I knew that would do it. Now you can puff up the pillow, pull up the blanket, and dream of a world devoid of any kind of news other than box scores and celebrity gossip. Isn't escapism wonderful?

Oh, there's still one naysayer out there, telling me I'm being irresponsible, that I should confront reality, not run away from it.

Look, naysayer, I never said I was planning to escape forever, just temporarily. And as far as confronting reality goes, I'll have you know that in order to have a better understanding of the election results, I've been reading this book:

So far nothing about fellating a microphone, but maybe that's in a later edition.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Vex Populi

 

It's almost over. Nothing left to do now but cast your ballot...

...and await the results.

Democracy in America, 2024

Quips and Quotations (Something Welcome This Way Comes Edition)

 

The monsters weren't intended to be gay, except possibly when director James Whale was behind the lens, but they read as gay to me. For me and my fellow queer youth growing up in the gay-intolerant era of the mid-twentieth century, these monsters spoke to our lives. That they flourished in marvelous gothic fantasy films, some brillant, most ridiculous, all imagination-stirring, only made them more special.

Hollywood's message may have seemed clear: You're gay; you're a monster. The villagers must hunt you down and destroy you. However, there was a more subversive underside to them. Almost without exception the monsters are presented sympathetically: Frankenstein's Monster was a lonely innocent, persecuted for existing, and good with children (some of the time). And there was his enormous schvancestucker. The Wolfman was a heroic fellow who acquired a cursed life when he came to the aid of a damsel in distress. Even soulless Dracula is often presented as a lonely, isolated figure seeking love, burdened by a curse acquired in defense of his country. The villagers are usually frightened, ignorant yahoos, with a hair-trigger lynch-mob response to almost any stimulus.

These movies said to me, It is intolerant society that is wrong. Hang in there. Fight the good fight. If you get enough sequels, eventually everyone will love you. Once Abbott and Costello show up, you're home free.

There is hope.

--Douglas McEwan, The Q Guide to Classic Monster Movies

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1944-2024

The "enourmous schvancestucker," that Mr. McEwan refers to is not a direct or even an indirect quote from any classic monster movie made in the 1930s or '40s, but rather uttered by the winsome young woman pictured above in a classic monster comedy from the 1970s. Her name is Teri Garr, and as a trick instead of a treat I'll leave it up to you to come up with the name of that movie.

Smart Art (Ben Day, Done Dat Edition)

 

 

This Halloween, why not let Roy Lichtenstein pick out your costume?

Vital Viewing (Hex and Violence Edition)

 

Halloween is not too far off, and what better symbol of the holiday than a witch? Here's one of cinema's scariest. If fact, she just might be the gold (or mold) standard for cinematic scary witches:

Did you notice how the Tin Man put out the fire with his oil can hat? That's because a fire needs oxygen or else it's likely to die out. Nice to know that even in a land of witches and talking scarecrows, the basic laws of science still apply. 

By the time she died at age 82 in 1985, Cleveland native Margaret Hamilton had lived through decades of TV showings of 1939's The Wizard of Oz, and was well-aware that her Wicked Witch of the West character had become a cultural icon. It didn't seem to bother her any. Also, cultural icons often attract the attention of other cultural icons, which seems to be the case in this clip that pairs Hamilton with a man who was considered anything but wicked: 

  

Mister Rogers seems positively gleeful at the prospect of this sweet old lady transforming herself into a wicked witch. Walk on the wild side, Fred!

Mister Rogers' Neighborhood wasn't the only 1970s TV instance of Margaret Hamilton donning the pointy black hat and the rest of the black ensemble. Here she is alongside a man with a wit so wicked it could have turned Dorothy's face as red as her ruby slippers:

Nice place for the clip to end, huh? I take what YouTube gives me, folks. I did see this special when I was in high school, but I've long since forgotten what kind of truck driver Paul Lynde turned into. Since I don't want you to feel deprived, let's just say this came next:

Betty White, bless her soul, got her wish.  

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 Now, let's look at a different witch. Well, I thought she was a witch at first because there's a black cat, and the lady herself is dressed in black, but that's where the similarity ends:

And I don't care if she's a witch or not. She's still magical.

Mitzi Gaynor 1931-2024

Bobby's Girl

 

1928-2024

Of course, we'll never know for sure, but she might have made one groovy First Lady.

Vital Viewing (That's Enfranchisement Edition)

 

For those of you who live in Ohio, the deadline to register to vote in the 2024 elections is October 7, this coming Monday. Above are all the things you need to know and do and be in order to register. However, it may not be all that easy to read as at some point the words shrink quite a bit (just what you need in an election where there's bound to be accusations of fraud and voter suppression: small print.) So as a further service I've included the following video provided by the good people at the Cuyahoga County Board of Election themselves in the hope of making things a bit more clear:

Get all that? Good. Now just to make sure you do everything you're supposed to do to fully participate in our democracy, I'd like to add a cautionary tale of what could happen if you DON'T do everything you're supposed to do.

Actually, this cautionary tale takes place in the Queens, New York of the 1970s but I think it applies equally well to Cuyahoga County, Ohio of the 2020s as a man of many, many opinions suddenly finds himself unable to act upon a single one of those opinions. Watch:

Don't end up like Archibald. Register!