Brain Damage

There was was an interesting discussion on Hardball last week. It was all about whether Dick Cheney was really the one in charge these last eight years. Chris Matthews had two guests, one a Democrat, the other--surprise!--a Republican. The Democrat was positive Dick Cheney was the brains of the operation. The Republican not so sure. Now, I usually agree with the Dems more than I do with the GOP, but this time I wasn't so sure. I mean, since when is the belief that a VP shouldn't be pulling the strings an integral part of liberal philosophy? Does that mean we can't have a fair, just, and equable society unless every word that comes out of a president's mouth has it's origins in his brain? As long as a president agrees with the thought, idea or sentiment, whatever it's source, isn't that enough? As long as We, the People, approve of the outcome, then what do we care that some shadow government's not getting it's proper due?

Leaving all that aside, just why do people think that Dick Cheney is running things? Well, I suppose, he SEEMS smarter. To begin with, Bush is stuck with a southern accent. After years of watching shows and movies like Gomer Pyle, The Beverly Hillbillies and Forrest Gump, we've all come to associate that dialect with dimwittedness. Even Scarlet O'Hara was a little dingbatty, what with picking a fight with Rhett Butler when she was at the TOP of a flight of stairs. Wait until you're closer to the source of gravity, you hoop-skirted bimbo. None of this means southerners are actually stupid--they're not--but that's how they're often portrayed, and they suffer accordingly.

There's also the President's mangling of the English language. He shares this trait with his prep school-dialect father. But talking is different than writing. The spoken word, sans teleprompter, is always a first and only draft. Part of the problem may be that leaders tend to think they're smarter then their followers. Why else would they want to lead in the first place? Would you want to tell someone smarter than you what to do? "Hey, Albert, forget that E=mc2 shit. Just say the relativity theory has something to do with cousins not marrying!" What I'm trying to get at is the Bushes may have been trying to talk down to all of us, and, not unlike Scarlet O'Hara, they lost their balance.

But none of the above would matter if Cheney didn't come across as so damn smart. He talks in a low voice. Do you know why smart people talk in low voices? They have no other choice. The extra energy it takes to fuel their giant brains must be absorbed from other parts of their body, such as the lungs. So much of a drain is intelligence on the rest of the body, in fact, that not only do smart people mutter, they also move slower, are prone to heart attacks, have difficult time aiming rifles, and show up at solemn Auschwitz ceremonies dressed like retirees about to snow blow their driveways.

So, yes, maybe Cheney is the "brains" of the operation, the man pulling the strings, the power behind the throne.

Where does that leave us?

4226 Americans killed in Iraq. The worst economic crises since the Great Depression.

In a recent radio interview, Dick Cheney said, "There was never any question who was in charge. It was George Bush."

Smart move, Dick.