Monday, January 11, 2010

Quips and Quotations (Health Care Reform Edition)

Woman from bookkeeping: Doctor, I believe one of your patients have died.
Doctor: How do you know?
Woman from bookkeeping: Because I asked to see his proof of insurance and he didn't answer.

Anesthesiologist (observing the patient on the operating table, who doesn't look a day over 25): Isn't she kind of young to have a hysterectomy?
Doctor (annoyed): She's 53! That's what her chart says!

Head of Nurses (after finding out the wrong patient was accidentally anesthetized): Is she all right?
Nurse: They had to go inside. That's never good.

Doctor: Don't pin this death on me! I already have one malpractice suit hanging over my head!

Chief of Medicine (in reference to another mix up where a doctor was accidentally killed): Where do you train your nurses, Mrs. Christie--Dachau? Now, what the hell am I going to tell this boy Schaefer's parents? That a substitute nurse assassinated him because she couldn't tell the doctors from the patients on the floor?

Edmund Drummond (explaining how he was able to leave his hospital room and kill doctors and nurses unnoticed) So at 9:15 this morning I rang for my nurse--
Chief of Medicine: Rang for your nurse?
Edmund Drummond: To ensure one full hour of interrupted privacy.

Chief of Medicine: We've established the most enormous medical entity ever conceived. Transplants, anti-bodies, we can produce birth ectogenetically, we can clone people like carrots, and yet half the kids in this ghetto haven't been inoculated for polio!

--from the movie The Hospital (1971) Screenplay by Paddy Chayefsky


  1. ooooh, health care. i worked in un-health care. paddy chayefsky had the right of it!
    ever see/read his play "gideon?"

  2. Sorry, Standing, I haven't seen "Gideon", but I have seen "Network" "The Americanization of Emily" "The Bachelor Party" and my personal favorite, "Marty". Chayefsky was an excellent writer. Maybe I'll search out "Gideon" now.

  3. I was just looking for movies on netflix so i'll check out this one. i saw network -- great! unfortunately, these lines are ringing just a tad too true...

  4. @Dreamfarm--"the lines ring a tad too true"

    And this is amost a 40-year old movie!

  5. @Limes--We'll see how much or how little things change shortly.

  6. From your lips to god's (whose?) ears, Kirk. I'm HOPING! I may have to ask you to translate some stuff for me, but I'm not embarrassed to ask. Obama promised us "change". Bring it on!

  7. Oh, Limes, I hope you didn't read optimism in my comment. I'm bummed about the whole thing.