Monday, January 11, 2010

Quips and Quotations (Health Care Reform Edition)

Woman from bookkeeping: Doctor, I believe one of your patients have died.
Doctor: How do you know?
Woman from bookkeeping: Because I asked to see his proof of insurance and he didn't answer.

Anesthesiologist (observing the patient on the operating table, who doesn't look a day over 25): Isn't she kind of young to have a hysterectomy?
Doctor (annoyed): She's 53! That's what her chart says!

Head of Nurses (after finding out the wrong patient was accidentally anesthetized): Is she all right?
Nurse: They had to go inside. That's never good.

Doctor: Don't pin this death on me! I already have one malpractice suit hanging over my head!

Chief of Medicine (in reference to another mix up where a doctor was accidentally killed): Where do you train your nurses, Mrs. Christie--Dachau? Now, what the hell am I going to tell this boy Schaefer's parents? That a substitute nurse assassinated him because she couldn't tell the doctors from the patients on the floor?

Edmund Drummond (explaining how he was able to leave his hospital room and kill doctors and nurses unnoticed) So at 9:15 this morning I rang for my nurse--
Chief of Medicine: Rang for your nurse?
Edmund Drummond: To ensure one full hour of interrupted privacy.

Chief of Medicine: We've established the most enormous medical entity ever conceived. Transplants, anti-bodies, we can produce birth ectogenetically, we can clone people like carrots, and yet half the kids in this ghetto haven't been inoculated for polio!

--from the movie The Hospital (1971) Screenplay by Paddy Chayefsky

11 comments:

  1. ooooh, health care. i worked in un-health care. paddy chayefsky had the right of it!
    ever see/read his play "gideon?"

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  2. Sorry, Standing, I haven't seen "Gideon", but I have seen "Network" "The Americanization of Emily" "The Bachelor Party" and my personal favorite, "Marty". Chayefsky was an excellent writer. Maybe I'll search out "Gideon" now.

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  3. I was just looking for movies on netflix so i'll check out this one. i saw network -- great! unfortunately, these lines are ringing just a tad too true...

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  4. @Dreamfarm--"the lines ring a tad too true"

    And this is amost a 40-year old movie!

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  5. @Limes--We'll see how much or how little things change shortly.

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  6. From your lips to god's (whose?) ears, Kirk. I'm HOPING! I may have to ask you to translate some stuff for me, but I'm not embarrassed to ask. Obama promised us "change". Bring it on!

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  7. Oh, Limes, I hope you didn't read optimism in my comment. I'm bummed about the whole thing.

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  8. Hi, Kirk!

    This is Shady-ady-ady-ady-ady (echo effect) coming to you from ten years in the future-uture-uture-uture. I am visiting you from 2020 through the power of Strange Magic-agic-agic-agic.

    It was fun to smile and laugh my way through these quotes from The Hospital. I have seen the film at least twice. George C. Scott brings his usual brilliance to the proceedings and seductive Diana Rigg was well cast as his much younger lover who helps him loosen his tie, bridge the generation gap and endure another dismal day of doing patients more harm than good.

    Thanks, Kirk. I must now go Back to the Future-uture-uture-uture.

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    1. Stick around for just a bit longer, Shady. Take a look at the blogroll, or what I call Surf City. You'll see that your post from September 8, 2020 is there--or here--on January 11, 2010--that is, until you post again, at which point THAT post is there on this long-gone date. Mind-boggling, huh? You should also know that this blog had a different template ten years ago. This beige, kind of 19th century magazine-type design that I really liked. The only reason I got rid of it is I started putting pictures on the blog--I wasn't sure how at first--and it didn't quite jell with the design, so I decided I needed something new. Now, it would have been fine with me if the old design remained on the older posts, such as this one. But when you change the template, the change goes all the way back to the very beginning. I know I'm babbling, but looking at an old post in a new post setting is causing me to suffer from temporal dislocation. Have a nice trip back to 2020, Shady, but just remember, that ain't Obama in the White House!

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    2. Yes, I was going to warn you to watch out for that grumpy, bossy guy who hosts The Apprentice along with his blonde daughter. He's got big plans for the future!

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