Saturday, May 9, 2009

Oh..Wise Guy, Eh?

All the attention surrounding the new Star Trek movie reminded me of something I have in my possession that any Trekkie or Trekker reading this might find interesting.

About 20 years ago, my cousin, Cecil B. Jusko, went out to Hollywood in the hopes of becoming either an actor, director, producer, screenwriter, cinematographer, film editor, set designer, make-up artist, or stunt man. Alas, two decades later, he's merely a janitor, bouncing around from one studio to the next. However, Cecil's disillusionment is our enlightenment, for one of the studios he worked for is Paramount, where he was charged with straightening up their TV Script Archive Vault. It was here he noticed a box marked ST-1966. Inside were bits and pieces edited out of old Star Trek shooting scripts due to time restrictions. Cecil smuggled one of the pieces of script off the Paramount lot and sent it to me, and I'd like now to share it with you:

MCCOY
(contemptuously)

Well, Spock, I supposed you've never watched the Three Stooges.

SPOCK

On the contrary, Doctor. I did an in-depth study of them at the University of Vulcan.

MCCOY
(surprised)

Really?

SPOCK

Yes. Earth Culture 101.

MCCOY
(pleased)

Well, I'll be!

SPOCK

I'll have you know, Doctor, that my classmates and I agreed that of the thousands of novels, poems, plays, films, operas, ballets, ballads, paintings, sculpture, and television shows produced by your species in the last three millennium, it is the Three Stooges that most aptly, and most profoundly, captures the human condition.

MCCOY
(emotionally)

Why, I oughta...

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