--Franklin P. Adams
Posterity is as likely to be wrong as anybody else
A hick town is one where there is no place to go where you shouldn't go
I like to have a martini,
Two at the very most.
After three I'm under the table,
after four I'm under my host.
Epitaph for a dead waiter - God finally caught his eye
--George S Kaufman
--Robert Benchley (and just think, he died a good half-century before the first Apple store opened)
Razors pain you,
Rivers are damp,
Acids stain you,
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren't lawful,
Gas smells awful.
You might as well live.
--Dorothy Parker (a four-time suicide survivor)
There are two kinds of people in the world, those who think there are two kinds of people in the world, and those who don't.
Nothing risque, nothing gained
--Alexander Woollcott (allegedly impotent due to a bad case of the mumps)
--George S. Kaufman