Vital Viewing (Precious Meddles Edition)

 

Ah, yes, Fort Knox, where some 147.3 million ounces of gold bullion is stored--or is it? New doubts have been raised:

What I gathered from watching that is, no matter what the conspiracy theorists say, the gold is there after all. Still, in the off-chance it's not, what can the United States do to stave off...whatever bad thing that happens if the gold isn't there?

 

The solution may lie in one of our oldest fairy tales. Take it away, Edward:

 

Turnips instead of gold? In that case we would need Fort Knox more than ever. After all, turnips are vegetables and as such last much longer in a...

 ...sealed container.